I was created in a debris-strewn alley when an unnamed transient screwed a discarded waffle iron beneath some high-tension wires during a thunderstorm. The motion of his wrinkly member repeatedly penetrating that malfunctioning appliance caused it to short-circuit at the very same moment Jupiter slid into alignment with a fluorescent light globe manufacturing plant in downtown New Jersey, thus tearing a hole in the very fabric of reality and causing an elderly musk rat to violently expel me from its anus in a large cloud of argon gas. In my larval stage I resembled a small elliptical puffer fish with training wheels and I divided my time pretty much equally between foraging for mossy deposits growing on the undercarriage of parked cars and attempting to attack low-flying aircraft. After several years on the street, I was found by a kind-hearted Vietnamese sailor, on shore leave and trawling the back alleys for hookers, and adopted by him shortly thereafter. I spent the next six years sailing around the world on a Vietnamese whaler, earning my keep by eating the barnacles that periodically attached themselves to the hull of the ship, until it was scuttled by a rogue manatee in 1946. After washing ashore in early 1947, I won a scholarship at Cambridge University, where I quickly discovered how to steal paper clips from the faculty supply closet. After graduating, I spent the next decade or so making a fairly decent profit smuggling anencephalic babies into Libya, hidden in Pringles cans secreted deep within the cavernous armpits of my beloved camel, Roseanne. I was going by the name "Aluminum Harry" at the time and my forehand serve was legendary. If I'm not entirely mistaken, I believe it was at some point during this period that I invented chalk. As a highly sought-after and rare delicacy, trading in anencephalous infants was an extremely lucrative source of income for anyone with the fortitude to brave the dangerous border-crossings and inhospitable desert terrain. The Libyan Royalty were especially partial and would pay a handsome price for prime merchandise. Alas, after nearly fifteen years, my illustrious career abruptly came to an end after I insulted the King Of Libya's hairiest (and thus most desirable) daughter by refusing to pelt her unconscious with melons (a local custom I was not aware of). I spent most of the interim years up until this point in a dank Libyan jail cell attempting to train hundreds of cockroaches and gnats to cover my body from head to toe and fly me to freedom through an uncovered ventilation shaft high up in the stone ceiling of my prison. Unfortunately, I succeeded only in contracting Amoebic Dysentery thirty-six times. I eventually managed to make my escape by presenting my jailer with a lovely hand-woven rhinestone-studded silk bra and asking very politely to be released. After the guard covered his eyes and began counting to twenty, I slipped away from the prison compound in the dead of night, now entirely penniless and, wearing only a small radish, set off for my homeland on a conveniently nearby-parked dog sled.

28th February 2012

Photoset reblogged from documenting your downfall with 27,204 notes

phrynozoid:

gogovegan:

On November the 5th, 2006 in Cherokee county, Georgia a horrific crime occurred. A single mom of 3 was in her kitchen cleaning up dishes and her youngest daughter was on the computer in the next room. Her daughter was building a Build A Bear she wanted online. She asked her mom to come and see. Her mother, named Sue White went to go and see her daughters creation. As she entered the room to see she heard glass shatter in the kitchen. She ran to see a masked man busting through her window and unlocking her door. After he got into the home he put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger. It was jammed. He beat her with the gun and brutally raped and stabbed Sue at least 25 times. Her seven-year-old daughter witnessed most of the crime. He then moved Sue into the bedroom and put her daughter in a closet. The closet however did not have a door. She left the closet and went into the bathroom. Once he realized she had moved, he went to see what she was doing. He was naked and covered in blood. He told the little girl she better stay in the closet until he told her otherwise. Once the attacker thought that Sue was nearly dead he ordered her to call her daughter in so he could also have his way with her and finish the job. Sue then lay there and pretended she was dead.  Once he thought he had killed her, he got up and went after the daughter. After he was out of sight Sue pulled herself up and got a knife. 


The attacker heard her and turned around, as soon as he turned around Sue stabbed him in the chest. He stumbled out the back door and then Sue told her daughter to go upstairs, get under her bed, lock the door and do not come out until the police or her come in to get her. Sue then heard the attacker coming back in the front. The battle continued for some time. He had gained control again and asked Sue “Where is your God now?”. She managed to turn around and push him off her, she then managed to stab her attacker in the chest one more time.

This was one of the bloodiest crime scenes experienced in 25 years and the first time in Cherokee county history that a rape ended with the female killing her attacker at the scene. She said she knew she couldn’t die because her baby needed her.

She showed that motherfucker what was what…it’s almost straight out of a movie…

Oh my god.

Interesting timing for this post…

I was lucky compared to this woman.

4 years and 4 months ago in exactly 4 hours, a man high on cocaine broke into my kitchen and attacked me.

Little did he know, I had my 12ga Remington 870 mounted on the side of my bedframe.

I pulled the trigger.


I picked up my evidence 2 years ago…I have some of the crime scene photos, (but declined to get copies of the official hospital photos of myself…I didn’t want to see them) I have the evidence bags, including the spent shotgun shell.
My husband plans to make it into a pendant for a necklace.

My attacker is free…but I’m not afraid.


This is one of the many reasons I am against gun control.

^ Good on you, mama bear, as well as you, phrynozoid. 

Source: ramirezdahmerbundy

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    OMG there are some fucking sick people in this world. What a brave mother.
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    God did it
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    Damnnn……………….
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