I was created in a debris-strewn alley when an unnamed transient screwed a discarded waffle iron beneath some high-tension wires during a thunderstorm. The motion of his wrinkly member repeatedly penetrating that malfunctioning appliance caused it to short-circuit at the very same moment Jupiter slid into alignment with a fluorescent light globe manufacturing plant in downtown New Jersey, thus tearing a hole in the very fabric of reality and causing an elderly musk rat to violently expel me from its anus in a large cloud of argon gas. In my larval stage I resembled a small elliptical puffer fish with training wheels and I divided my time pretty much equally between foraging for mossy deposits growing on the undercarriage of parked cars and attempting to attack low-flying aircraft. After several years on the street, I was found by a kind-hearted Vietnamese sailor, on shore leave and trawling the back alleys for hookers, and adopted by him shortly thereafter. I spent the next six years sailing around the world on a Vietnamese whaler, earning my keep by eating the barnacles that periodically attached themselves to the hull of the ship, until it was scuttled by a rogue manatee in 1946. After washing ashore in early 1947, I won a scholarship at Cambridge University, where I quickly discovered how to steal paper clips from the faculty supply closet. After graduating, I spent the next decade or so making a fairly decent profit smuggling anencephalic babies into Libya, hidden in Pringles cans secreted deep within the cavernous armpits of my beloved camel, Roseanne. I was going by the name "Aluminum Harry" at the time and my forehand serve was legendary. If I'm not entirely mistaken, I believe it was at some point during this period that I invented chalk. As a highly sought-after and rare delicacy, trading in anencephalous infants was an extremely lucrative source of income for anyone with the fortitude to brave the dangerous border-crossings and inhospitable desert terrain. The Libyan Royalty were especially partial and would pay a handsome price for prime merchandise. Alas, after nearly fifteen years, my illustrious career abruptly came to an end after I insulted the King Of Libya's hairiest (and thus most desirable) daughter by refusing to pelt her unconscious with melons (a local custom I was not aware of). I spent most of the interim years up until this point in a dank Libyan jail cell attempting to train hundreds of cockroaches and gnats to cover my body from head to toe and fly me to freedom through an uncovered ventilation shaft high up in the stone ceiling of my prison. Unfortunately, I succeeded only in contracting Amoebic Dysentery thirty-six times. I eventually managed to make my escape by presenting my jailer with a lovely hand-woven rhinestone-studded silk bra and asking very politely to be released. After the guard covered his eyes and began counting to twenty, I slipped away from the prison compound in the dead of night, now entirely penniless and, wearing only a small radish, set off for my homeland on a conveniently nearby-parked dog sled.

4th March 2012

Post with 6 notes

Mass Effect and songs that remind me of specific moments in the story-line in accordance to how I played the game (as well as me over-thinking it all)

Edit 364 by Gridlock - Shepard getting rebuilt via Lazarus Project

 -The song is very dream-like and yet very painful, as I assume it would be for Shepard. She lost everything in one defining moment. She died, and now she’s being resurrected. The last imaged burned into her mind just before being spaced were those of seeing various crew members killed, seeing her ship, the vessel that brought her and everyone she cared about together towards one cause, destroyed, watching those she could save just barely escaping with their lives, and the planet below her panic stricken body just before suffocating in the vacuum of space. As she is slowly rebuilt, I imagine those images replay throughout her feeble mind in between painful gains of consciousness. I picture her half built, pale, corpse-like body writhing about in agony on an operating table as nerves are set ablaze when the synapses in her brain began to communicate with them. I imagine her feverish muttering as her dead brain cells are rejuvinated and basic functions and memories are all attempting to sort one another out. Overall, I think the chaos of the glitch sounds vs the dreamy pads and synths go hand in hand with the unspoken details of the prologue to Mass Effect 2 in a wonderfully sad sort of way.

Black Diamonds by Sinistarr & Kiat - Eternity bar and Lounge

-I absolutely love the song they play for Eternity in Mass Effect 2(Comaduster’s “To Hide, To Seek”). I often wander in to the bar just to listen to the song because it fits so beautifully with Illium and the environment of the game. But, when I hear “Black Diamonds” I imagine it would be blasting loudly over the speakers at night when Nos Astra gets a little more exciting. (There are upper decks to Eternity that aren’t player accessible that can sort of be seen in the background, so I assume it’s not just a teeny tiny little lounge area and actually a wonderful hotspot for the tired business folk of the market community).(Also: Diskoteka by Starkillers (Afterlife), Excess by tricky (Afterlife))

A Game in Hell, Hard Work in Heaven by Asva - The Prothean race, Their fate, and the what occured on Ilos.

- The song before the major crescendo sounds both very sad - almost like a dirge and a death bell - as well as mystical and mysterious. The Protheans are shrouded in mystery. No one knows what became of them, what they looked like, or what their lives were truly like. They’re made almost god-like in the sense that it is assumed all that the technology used by all the sapient races in the galaxy was Prothean in origin, and thus they created a world for those who came after them to live in. Around 4:03 when the music starts to pick up, I think of Shepard’s talk with Vigil, in which he details the fate of The Prothean’s and what measures had to be taken by the dying race in order to warn those who might come after them so that they do not meet the same end. From then on, the music is very somber and depressing. These last members of an entire civilized, accomplished, wonderful race are dying and nearly everything they had ever done is dying with them. At 7:53 the music gets more aggressive and violent, at which point I imagine Shepard’s fight through the deserted road-ways of the relic that is Ilos is full of renewed purpose, a sense of deep anguish, and a vengeful anger. She mourns the untimely end of her predecessors and also feels a sense of duty to protect the thriving races around her from the same impending doom.

Here Before by Fever Ray - Also reminded of Prothean race.

-The lyrics themselves and the overall sound reminds me very much of the Protheans, the relics, beacons, and data they left behind, as well as the very brief story that Shepard unlocks on Eletania -when she inserts the trinket Sha’Ira gave her in to a Prothean relic- that details the Protheans interaction with the human race, which sort of hints at their involvement with the nurturing of their growth and civilization in an “Ancient Aliens” sort of way.

The Torture Detachment by Rome - Thane

-The overall song is very somber and hopeless sounding. The lyrics themselves detail a man who yearns for someone they have lost and has grown bitter with the world around him and life itself, even feeling disgusted by the charity of those around him. He speaks as if he has accepted death and looks forward to the end of his suffering. Prior to romancing him (if you choose to)/As you talk to him, he reveals his past with regret and sadness. His only hope for a peace of mind is reconciling past differences with the son he abandoned, as he sees Kolyat as the only good he has ever done in his lifetime. 

Shoot You Dead by Blue Sky Black Death - Kaidan and Shepard’s relationship (In the case of my character Persepine)

-The song is dreamy, sad, and bitter. Amidst the very relaxing sounds of the pad, sighs, light strings, and a harmonica can be heard, all sounds that sound very romantic and sexy. These sounds are accompanied by the reedy, almost as if crying, singing of bitter lyrics. This over-all sound makes me think of Shepard’s encounter with Kaidan on Horizon. In Mass Effect 1, Persepine and Kaidan became romantically involved. She chose him over Ashley on Virmire (a decision that filled her full of self-hatred as she felt she played favorites), and were always together prior to her death on the Normandy SR-1. After finding him again on Horizon, she felt betrayed and hurt. Memories of their relationship played through her head and the bittersweet feelings of heart-ache and utter disgust in his behavior and how he could just so carelessly leave her like that.

Fading Away by Nitrada - Shepard being intimate with any romance option

-The lyrics of the song are clearly about fucking somone/wanting to fuck somone. The music is perfect for setting the mood. The song doesn’t evoke feelings of ruthless animal fucking, but rather a very intimate, romantic, detail oriented love-making session. When I hear this song I can think of the glow of the sun off some unnamed planet coming through Shepard’s skylight above her bed as she and her lover just take their time with one another.(Also: Evil Twin by City Lights (more particularly Shep and Garrus), If Only Tonight We Could Sleep by The Cure (Shep and Thane), Bullet by Inga Liljestrom (Shep and Thane), Lase Beam by Low (Shep and Garrus), Platinum by Orgy )Shep and Garrus), One in a Million by Pooka (Shep and Thane), Bubble and Spike by Telefon Tel Aviv, I Lied by Telefon Tel Aviv (Shep and Jacob), Hands 2 Hold U Down by White Ring) 

The Death Song by Sigur Ros - My overall feelings about Mass Effect 3 without having played it.

-As everyone knows, Mass Effect is the final battle against the Reapers who strive to eliminate all life within the Galaxy. Everything is falling apart. The skies are grey with ash. Countless worlds are covered with ruin and death. This song itself, if the title doesn’t give it away, is very empty. The overall sound is very cold and tired. The vocals, a series of random word sounds constructed so the listener can make up their own meaning, sound like the babbling of a dying man. Certainly something I would expect to see in an emotional ME3 music video. (Other songs to include with this particular feeling are Western Eye by Portishead, A Baleful Aura by Black Rose Burial (but in the sense of the lyrics being about war and that it reminds me more so over the anger and brutality of war rather than the sadness in it), Dex by eDIT, The Final Chapter by Hypocrisy)

Silsila Ye Chaahat Ka (Remix) by Devdas - Quarians

-This song combines a bollywood song with a nice steady beat that gives it a more modern and almost futuristic sound to it. The Quarians as a race are reminiscent of Indian culture and the music itself sounds very mysterious and beautiful, just as the race as a whole.(Also: On Ledianoi by Maia Krasnaia, Sora’s Folktale by Yoko Kanno, Surinder Shinda by Devdas, Beni Beni by Niyaz) 

Icicle Sleeves by Jonsi - The Normandy Crash Site

-Shepard goes to the mass grave of her old crew and her old life and, single-handedly, retrieves each of their dog-tags, remembering not only the people they belonged to, but all the memories she shared with them aboard her old home as she sees the various places she frequented and created memories at in ruin as it sits broken in the drifting snow. The song is sad, and, just as the title suggests, has a very solemn cold sound to it.

Tunnel of Ions - The Reapers

-Although hard to believe this song has any actual lyrics, the lyrics detail some sort of Omnipotent presence in the galaxy that is disgusted by the gull of humanity in their thinking that they can possibly truly understand the universe in its many complexities. The overall sound of the music is aggressive, chaotic, and hostile. All of this sort of screams Reaper.(Also: The Violation by Fleshgod Apocalypse (more specifically their feelings towards Shepard), Angels And Men by Juno Reactor) 

Between Two Points by The Glitch Mob - Space travel and the Mass Relays

-The chorus “The straightest distance between two points is a line…” in reminicent of the relays in that they each serve as direct points to one another. The overall sound is very mechanical and digital, like the ambient noises aboard the Normandy. (Also: Satellite by BT, Sitting on the Moon by Enigma, Stellar by Incubus, Amber by Labyrinth Ear, Twice (Aaron Jerome Remix) by Little Dragon, As The Rush Comes by Motorcycle Boy, In Between by Muffle, Digital Sea by Thrice, Pulse by Yoko Kanno, Blue by Yoko Kanno (Shepard’s perspective)) 

Cocoon by Bjork - Tali and Manshep

-The song is about a girl who is in disbelief that the man she loves in turn loves her back, and how beautiful it is. The child-like music box sounds and the love in Bjork’s voice combined together in a very gentle, romantic song is reminiscent of Tali’s feelings for Shepard and how it’s all very similar to the fairy-tale sort of way she describes Shepard of sweeping her off her feet, taking her on all these adventures, and falling in love with her.

Non-Objective Portrait of Karma by Circle Takes The Square - Shepard’s feelings throughout all three games.

-Everything from the bitterness of the lyrics to the progression of the music from simmer, to depressing, to desperate, to screaming reminds me of Shepard’s attitudes throughout the series. She starts out uncertain of what is in the horizon - She’s been assigned to unknowingly uncover the very beginning of the biggest thing to ever happen since the extinction of The Protheans and thus the very start of her battle against the reapers. Her biggest priorities at first were to simply find out what was happening, why, and to eliminate who she saw as the biggest threat: Saren. Along the way, she lost people dear to her and was completely changed as a person, having gone from a simple soldier to the savior of all life. In Mass Effect 2 she died, and upon coming back to life she finds all the good she’s done - saving the council, uniting races, and gearing up everyone for the Reapers - was completely discarded the second she wasn’t around to challenge people on it. Friends question her motives with Cerberus, people she doesn’t even know are giving her orders, the council has spit in her face, and she’s constantly betrayed by the Illusive Man. The anger, desperation, and sadness throughout the song details someone’s hopeless anger and bitterness and it seems nearly perfect for the emotions Shepard never truly lets show.

Concrete Walls by Fever Ray - The Yahg Shadow Broker

-The song, quite frankly, reminds me of a bitter, reclusive psychopath that sits around and stalks people. So….this one sort of goes without saying.

Lecher Bitch by The Genitorturers - Jack

-This aggressive song is about a woman full of anger and vengence towards the world that has wronged her, and she wants to get her satisfaction by doing whatever the fuck she wants however the fuck she wants.(Also: Drown Soda and Pretty On the Inside by Hole, Spit by NY Loose) 

Ride A White Horse (Archie Cooper’s Way More remix) by Goldfrapp - Morinth

-This remix sounds like the original song with the only difference being that you’re listening to it high off your ass. Morinth use to do drugs with her victims and party at night clubs, so the overall sound is reminicent of how one of those experiments might be.

Tokyo Memory by Guitar - Kasumi and Keiji

-The title aside…The song, however slightly sad sounding, is very beautiful, melodic, and gentle sounding. I can imagine Kasumi thinking about all of the times she and her late lover shared when I listen to this.

Good Enough by Trifonic - Shepard and Garrus’s relationship

- Garrus, up until Shepard’s advancements towards him, saw her as his leader, friend, and commander. In Mass Effect 1 he helped her against impossible odds to stop Saren and in turn gained his loyalty and respect. When she died, he made her his inspiration in becoming a Spectre to continue righting the wrongs of the Galaxy like she had done, as if to preserve her memory in the nobility of his work. When she found him on Omega cornered by mercs, she saved his life, and the two were reunited. Evening knowing her involvement in Cerberus, he hardly questioned her and put his faith and trust in her once more. When he came to her with Sidonis, she didn’t hesitate in helping her friend in his time of need by exacting his revenge for all the lives he lost under his command. Later on, when Shepard hints at her interest in him, Garrus is taken aback. The woman he saw as an untouchable, unstoppable force, a leader, and a good friend suddenly wants him out of everyone in the Galaxy. At first he’s a bit confused and nervous, but as he has time to think about it and process it, he realizes that she is the only person he truly respects and confides in whole-heartedly, and that taking this chance with her may be a wonderful thing. The song itself is a man reassuring someone that he will always be there for them no matter what. Garrus’s little lines stating “Right behind you, Shepard” and ‘Whenever you need me, I’ll be here,” echos those ideas almost exactly. Garrus is first and foremost Shepard’s good friend. Her companion. Her confidant. He will always be there for her as she has been there for him, and they can only ever build on top of that mutual foundation of trust and respect for one another. 

Parasite by XNDL - The Collectors and their swarms

-The Collectors, reminicent of insects, are infesting human colonies with their swarms and their troops. They’re a pestilence on the Galaxy set loose by the Reapers that leave in the wake nothing but devstation. This song, as the title suggests, is reminiscent of parasites. The odd progression of keys is uncomfortable and unnatural. The little voice is like that of a small pest taunting you. It fits hand in hand with the concept.

NONE OF THE SHEPARDS SHOWN IN THE PICTURES ARE MINE

Tagged: mass effectmass effect 2mass effect 3subject zerojackfemshepmanshepgarrusgarrus vakarianthanethane kriosjacob taylormusicheadcanonnerdmusicfanfictionbullshit

21st February 2012

Post with 13 notes

I pride myself on never acting like a total dumbass and fangirling over a series/videogame/book/ect…

BUT I CANT

I LOST THE ABILITY TO CAN

GARRUS

MY SPACE HUSBABU

LET ME STROKE YOUR CARAPACE LIKE THE CREEPY RAPIST I AM

I JUST

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

BLUE BALLS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER

Tagged: mass effectmass effect 2mass effect 3garrusgarrus vakarianshakarianfangirlfan girlFUCKBLUE BALLS

12th October 2011

Video with 85 notes

I’ll just leave this here

Tagged: mass effect 2masseffect2garrusgarrus vakarianturianromancevideoanchormanlol

9th October 2011

Photo reblogged from Advice Garrus with 97 notes

advicegarrus:

Top text [YOU’RE HEARING THIS]
Bottom text [IN A SEXY TURIAN VOICE]

"I REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAALLY had to work at it."
"If I wanted to take down more than your shields, Shepard, I would have"

hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….

advicegarrus:

Top text [YOU’RE HEARING THIS]

Bottom text [IN A SEXY TURIAN VOICE]

"I REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAALLY had to work at it."

"If I wanted to take down more than your shields, Shepard, I would have"

hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….

Tagged: adviceadvice garrusGarrus AdvicegarrusGarrus Vakarianturianarchangelbiowaremass effectmass effect 2

9th October 2011

Post reblogged from GAME OVER, YEEEAAAHHH! with 145 notes

"Repurposed krogan hospital. Sturdy. Built to withstand punishment." "That’s unfortunate. Hospitals aren’t fun to fight through." "What is fun to fight through?" "Gardens, electronics shops. Antique stores, but only if they’re classy."

raws-al-ghul:

THIS IS OFFICALY A GARRUS VAKARIAN APPERCIATION BLOG















I may not have romanced him on my main, but Garrus will forever be MEIN LEIBE!

Tagged: only if they're classyI love everything about himGarrus VakarianMass EffectMass Effect 2

28th September 2011

Photo reblogged from valkyrja. with 2,346 notes

Tagged: .........Garrus VakarianVarric TethrasNathaniel HoweOswaldBalthierEizoAnd a whole lot of other charactersGPOY

Source:

12th September 2011

Photo reblogged from valkyrja. with 382 notes

Tagged: turianturiansgarrusgarrus vakarianmass effectmass effect 2biowaredirtydirty secretssecretsecrets

Source: dirtymasseffectsecrets