I was created in a debris-strewn alley when an unnamed transient screwed a discarded waffle iron beneath some high-tension wires during a thunderstorm. The motion of his wrinkly member repeatedly penetrating that malfunctioning appliance caused it to short-circuit at the very same moment Jupiter slid into alignment with a fluorescent light globe manufacturing plant in downtown New Jersey, thus tearing a hole in the very fabric of reality and causing an elderly musk rat to violently expel me from its anus in a large cloud of argon gas. In my larval stage I resembled a small elliptical puffer fish with training wheels and I divided my time pretty much equally between foraging for mossy deposits growing on the undercarriage of parked cars and attempting to attack low-flying aircraft. After several years on the street, I was found by a kind-hearted Vietnamese sailor, on shore leave and trawling the back alleys for hookers, and adopted by him shortly thereafter. I spent the next six years sailing around the world on a Vietnamese whaler, earning my keep by eating the barnacles that periodically attached themselves to the hull of the ship, until it was scuttled by a rogue manatee in 1946. After washing ashore in early 1947, I won a scholarship at Cambridge University, where I quickly discovered how to steal paper clips from the faculty supply closet. After graduating, I spent the next decade or so making a fairly decent profit smuggling anencephalic babies into Libya, hidden in Pringles cans secreted deep within the cavernous armpits of my beloved camel, Roseanne. I was going by the name "Aluminum Harry" at the time and my forehand serve was legendary. If I'm not entirely mistaken, I believe it was at some point during this period that I invented chalk. As a highly sought-after and rare delicacy, trading in anencephalous infants was an extremely lucrative source of income for anyone with the fortitude to brave the dangerous border-crossings and inhospitable desert terrain. The Libyan Royalty were especially partial and would pay a handsome price for prime merchandise. Alas, after nearly fifteen years, my illustrious career abruptly came to an end after I insulted the King Of Libya's hairiest (and thus most desirable) daughter by refusing to pelt her unconscious with melons (a local custom I was not aware of). I spent most of the interim years up until this point in a dank Libyan jail cell attempting to train hundreds of cockroaches and gnats to cover my body from head to toe and fly me to freedom through an uncovered ventilation shaft high up in the stone ceiling of my prison. Unfortunately, I succeeded only in contracting Amoebic Dysentery thirty-six times. I eventually managed to make my escape by presenting my jailer with a lovely hand-woven rhinestone-studded silk bra and asking very politely to be released. After the guard covered his eyes and began counting to twenty, I slipped away from the prison compound in the dead of night, now entirely penniless and, wearing only a small radish, set off for my homeland on a conveniently nearby-parked dog sled.

9th October 2011

Photo reblogged from Advice Garrus with 97 notes

advicegarrus:

Top text [YOU’RE HEARING THIS]
Bottom text [IN A SEXY TURIAN VOICE]

"I REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAALLY had to work at it."
"If I wanted to take down more than your shields, Shepard, I would have"

hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….

advicegarrus:

Top text [YOU’RE HEARING THIS]

Bottom text [IN A SEXY TURIAN VOICE]

"I REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAALLY had to work at it."

"If I wanted to take down more than your shields, Shepard, I would have"

hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….

Tagged: adviceadvice garrusGarrus AdvicegarrusGarrus Vakarianturianarchangelbiowaremass effectmass effect 2

29th September 2011

Photo reblogged from Fuck Yeah BioWare with 32 notes

fuckyeahbioware:

Mass Effect: Hallucinations by ~ghostdancedeluxe

I DIED

fuckyeahbioware:

Mass Effect: Hallucinations by ~ghostdancedeluxe

I DIED

Tagged: mass effectmass effect 2artfanartdrellshepardthanefemshepromanceshipthane/shepardshepard/thanefunnycomicbioware

21st September 2011

Photo reblogged from with 3,028 notes

blanketspace:

jakface:

ghostgreen:

FULLSIZE HERE
ghostgreen: bringer of silly frou-frou fan art since the year 20xx

Oh my god, I just cried. ;o;
I’m not gonna lie…. I got really choked up over that.
Excuse me, I’m going to go write a drabble about this… It probably won’t make me feel better but… ah.

SO yeah…reading this in Garrus’s voice sort of made me tear up.

OMFG I LOVE THIS DAMN GAME SO MUCH NOW I HAVE TO REPLAY THEM BOTH

Too mad ME 1 is so damn slow…

blanketspace:

jakface:

ghostgreen:

FULLSIZE HERE

ghostgreen: bringer of silly frou-frou fan art since the year 20xx

Oh my god, I just cried. ;o;

I’m not gonna lie…. I got really choked up over that.

Excuse me, I’m going to go write a drabble about this… It probably won’t make me feel better but… ah.

SO yeah…reading this in Garrus’s voice sort of made me tear up.

OMFG I LOVE THIS DAMN GAME SO MUCH NOW I HAVE TO REPLAY THEM BOTH

Too mad ME 1 is so damn slow…

Tagged: GarrusCommander ShepardMass effectOTPShakarianTuriansMass Effect 2Bioware

Source: ghostgreen

17th September 2011

Post reblogged from Turians and Pretty Pictures with 114 notes

WANT ME1 AND ME2 SOUND TRACKS FO FREE?

purpleweeble:

Here you go!

Mass Effect 1 OST

Mass Effect 2 CD 1

Mass Effect 2 CD 2

So…yeah…>u>

Tagged: mass effectmass effect 2biowaresoundtrack

Source: purpleweeble

12th September 2011

Photo reblogged from with 358 notes

Tagged: turianturiansgarrusgarrus vakarianmass effectmass effect 2biowaredirtydirty secretssecretsecrets

Source: dirtymasseffectsecrets

14th August 2011

Photo reblogged from Fffuu Yes Garrus! with 64 notes

fygarrusvakarian:

Jacked Up by Cherrysplice13

fygarrusvakarian:

Jacked Up by Cherrysplice13

Tagged: Cherrysplice13JackShepardGarrusMass EffectJacobBioWareComic